


look at this godforsaken mess (that you made me)

by acrookedsaint



Series: the last great american dynasty [2]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Jughead POV, Lots of Angst, and some self discovery, based on 'illicit affairs', jughead is v v bitter, to be clear this is NOT a bughead fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:33:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25563649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrookedsaint/pseuds/acrookedsaint
Summary: He’s not insecure, not really. He just knows his worth, and he knows that in the end Betty will always choose Archie over him, because that’s just the way it is.
Relationships: Archie Andrews/Betty Cooper, Betty Cooper/Jughead Jones
Series: the last great american dynasty [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1847302
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	look at this godforsaken mess (that you made me)

**Author's Note:**

> part 2 of my little folklore based barchie series!! this one's from jughead's perspective, and naturally it's very angsty and bitter. i hope you all enjoy!!
> 
> as always, all my love to cara.

Jughead and Betty get together the way most people do - they smile, they flirt, they smile some more, and then someone makes a move. In this case it’s Jughead.

It’s strange, to be the one making the first move. It’s strange, to be leaning down and leaning in. It’s strange, to want something enough that he has to take the initiative. 

But it feels good kissing Betty, feeling her kiss him back. It feels good knowing that he’s finally done something right, that the person he wants just might want him back. 

Of course, nothing good lasts forever. 

* * *

He’s not insecure, not really. He just knows his worth, and he knows that in the end Betty will always choose Archie over him, because that’s just the way it is. 

Maybe that’s why he shouts at her, watches the tears form in her eyes without feeling any remorse. Maybe he just wants her to hurt as much as he does. 

Maybe he just wants to be the first choice, the one she thinks of when she closes her eyes. Maybe he wants to be the one whose window faces hers. Maybe he wants to be the one she reaches for in the middle of the night. 

But most of his wishes never come true anyway. 

* * *

He laughs when he finds out. He laughs and Veronica looks at him like he’s gone crazy. 

And who knows?

Maybe he has gone crazy. 

All these years he’d thought everything was fine. Those feelings were there, of course they were. You don’t forget your childhood love, especially when you plan to see them every day for the rest of their lives. You don’t just forget the person you’ve loved when you thought you couldn’t love at all. 

So he laughs, and then he cries, because he just can’t help himself. He sits in the bunker, watching the tape over and over again. Veronica sits next to him like a statue, hands folded primly in her lap. 

Jughead thinks about the way Betty had been different when she’d come down to visit him in the bunker, how she’d held herself a little differently, how she wouldn’t quite look him in the eye, citing worry and sleep deprivation as the reason.

He thinks of the way she’d smelled different, how her hair had been hanging over her shoulders instead tied into a ponytail.

He thinks of the little signs he’d missed, because he’d thought he was safe. Because he thought he was secure. 

And now here he is, a mess, all because he’d thought that he’d had everything he ever needed. 

_Time makes fools of us all_ , he muses. 

And then he watches the tape again.

* * *

Later, he sees them in his mind, oh so many times. He sees them and he knows, even if everything is perfectly innocent. He sees the longing stares, and the stolen ones too. There’s evidence of clandestine meetings that he chose to ignore, in parking lots and beautiful rooms and everywhere in between.

He sees everything in a different light now. Archie returning to the bunker, flushed from a run suddenly seems like something bigger. Betty knitting him a new beanie has every ulterior motive in the book. 

He wants to scream. He wants to yell and cry and laugh all at the same time. 

But most of all he wants to ask why. 

He may be bitter, but he isn’t stupid. 

But he always thought that he’d know love when he saw it. 

He supposes that’s the thing about illicit affairs - they lie. 

And lie.

And lie. 

A million little times.

* * *

He tries not to be bitter, he really does. He tries to be calm and he tries to be okay. 

It turns out that the one thing Jughead’s really good at is holding a grudge. All he thinks about is how his life is ruined, how the thing he’d thought for sure was going to be in his life forever is gone. 

_You showed me colours I can’t see with anyone else_ , he types out, high on caffeine in Pops at midnight. _You taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else_. 

The sky is dark outside, but Jughead’s never felt more alive, letting the words pour out of his body, letting his thoughts run wild, letting his hands do all of the work. 

_Look at this idiotic fool that you made me_. 

He wipes his mouth angrily, taps the keys viciously. 

_You know damn well that for you…_

_I would ruin myself_.

The anger cools. The breath returns to his body. 

_A million little times._

* * *

In the end, Jughead decides that he’s better off out of Riverdale, away from the fairy tale ending that he knows Betty and Archie will inevitably find. 

He goes to New York, rents out a small apartment that he piles full with worn paperbacks and old clothes that still smell vaguely like Betty’s perfume. 

He writes more often than not, lets all of his heartbreak and anger fuel his success. 

When he hears about the engagement, he gets drunk, just the once. He wakes up in his cold bed and he remembers, all of a sudden, that it’s been five years and he’s still sitting around thinking about anyone but himself. 

He sends his manuscript to the publisher that morning, and swallows back the bitterness with a cup of cold coffee. 

* * *

A week after he gets the invitation, his book is published. 

It’s titled _Illicit Affairs_ , and it’s some of the best writing Jughead’s ever done. 

It might be the best thing he’s ever done. 

But still, he’s bitter. 

* * *

It turns out that anyone can survive heartbreak and betrayal. Everyone can pick themselves back up and start again. 

He’s living proof of that. 

Jughead goes to the wedding. He’d gotten the invitation, so he goes. 

It’s a nice ceremony, a nice reception. He dances with the bride, and then the groom, and he talks to his father and people he hasn’t seen since high school. 

He’s not so bitter anymore. 


End file.
